Husband encouragement challenge

This concept is a new one for me -- "husband encouragement challenge." I did a little with it several years ago, but my My daughter and my daughter-in-law have been faithfully including ways to honor their husbands. Their joy spills out as they share something special they have done, thought, or prayed for their mate.

Today as I was grocery shopping, a light bulb popped on for me. What could I do to honor my husband -- to participate in encouraging my husband?

Hubby is at a conference right now, scheduled to return home on Wednesday. My Wednesday, however, is packed with meetings in the afternoon and early evening... So what could I do special to welcome him home?...

Well, what about dinner for him -- in the fridge such that he can eat it cold (you know, a salad or something) or warm it up? How about German potato salad with sausage...? Maybe add a lettuce salad with sliced tomato from the garden... And for dessert cherry fruit pizza?

You know what I found as a result of taking the challenge (again)? I found that I was excited about showing someone love. I was excited about focusing on someone or something other than myself. I was excited to think of other things that might show Hubby he is valuable to me.
_____
The best closing to this post would be scripture that ties my actions back to what we are instructed to do or in showing God's love by serving others. But it is late and I'm tired and I don't have a scripture to share. Any thoughts????

Husband Encouragement Challenge

It has been too long since I wrote what I have been thinking. Tonight I am many miles away from Marshall, so I can indeed step back and think... The journey with Husband Encouragement Challenge has not been easy at times, but I turn to Jesus for grace and strength to respond in ways pleasing to Him. Here are a few of the specifics that I did because of this challenge...

1. Say a prayer each morning for my husband. The focus is intended to be on thanksgiving or lifting him up with something particularly challenging to his day.

2. As we fix up our house (103 Main -- another story in itself), I have tried to involve him within each decision rather than just deciding something, buying what I need, and taking care of the project. Sometimes he says at first that he does not care -- it does not matter -- but give it a little him I find that he does have an interest in that item and usually has a strong taste or feeling. As a result, I have not acted on those "whatever" statements, but visit them again at a later time. 

3. In relation to #2 above, at times I have just gone with his choice rather than make a scene. I am trying to determine what really is important to me and state my preferences very clearly at those times. I pray that I am not just playing cat and mouse such that I get exactly what I want -- instead I do pray that I am being a partner in this project by giving and taking. 

4. At times I feel like just crawling into my own little shell and not be sociable. Over the years I see that he often takes this personally. So, I am now trying to smile when I don't feel like smiling - at least to make connection. Rather than just hiding, I can state what I am working on or hoping to accomplish. My goal is communication so that he knows he is important -- always -- not just when I feel like being nice.

5. Read my Bible every day (or as close to it as I possible can). How does this help with husband encouragement challenge? It helps me focus on God and being a servant for Him. The focus is not on my wants and needs, but on what He would desire of me in my service of Him. I find myself being "softer" -- biting my tongue or keeping my mouth shut when I want to correct or add beyond what is needed. 

There seem to be so many things, so small it is hard to write down - -or even explain. However, I will continue the challenge because our relationship as husband and wife is a reflection of Christ and  church. 

Blessings to each of you. 

HEC Follow-up

Last week we finished the Husband Encouragement Challenge for the month June. I was so proud of myself -- I did the final homework assignment including the 10 things to continue and applicable scripture verses. However, I left off one important piece of the assignment -- decide how you are going to hold yourself accountable. What would I be completing on a regular basis to continue with the challenge? Sarah encouraged me to "think about it."

Well, she struck me with her question. I was so pleased that I had gotten through the month of June with correct answers / responses -- now I had to continue with this stuff!?!

This past week I determined that each week I would reflect to what had taken place and how the challenge helped me handle something or helped me identify issues that needed work. So, here goes with my first reflection....

The week was harder than the whole month of June. Maybe it was letting down my guard to what I ought to do -- so some pretty nasty thoughts / words popped into my head. And sometimes, those unacceptable thoughts were "pop" in, but take residence because I did not chase them out. After all... I wasn't sharing with others as part of the assignment...

Needless to say, God spoke loudly to my heart that the work was not finished -- and would never be finished. On a daily basis I must crucify the flesh to live for Him. And thinking others more important than myself is part of that daily battle.

So, back to the basics. What do I appreciate / value about my husband? He is Godly -- striving to live a life acceptable to the Lord. He prays at every meal -- offering thanksgiving for what Our Father has given us for nourishment. On a regular basis he undertakes tasks that must be done rather than my doing everything -- like washing dishes after each meal, cleaning the upstairs bath, washing towels and other laundry, taking out the trash and then putting it by the curbside on Monday night. He celebrates with me when I pass accounting exams as I work on my Certified Management Accountant title. He goes on walks and rides his bike with me...

The list could continue -- but now my heart is peaceful again as I put the focus on good, not bad; others more important; being a servant of Christ.

Praise God from whom all blessings flo. A big blessing is my husband.

Husband Encouragement Challenge

Husband Encouragement Challenge -- Homework

List of ten things to continue:
1. Pray for my husband -- not with change as the focus, but thankgiving and God's hand leading me to meet his needs.

2. Daily consider things to say or do that show he is important to me.

3. Speak favorably about him to myself and others.

4. Daily offer thanks to him for something -- whether it be completion of a regular task or his doing something new. Recognizing him for being active in keeping our home a home.

5. Push negative thoughts out -- denying them residence within my brain.

6. Often, do something fun that is special for him. Maybe make cookies, fix something with b-b-q sauce, or wash the dinner dishes before dinner (wash pots, pans, measuring cups, etc. before dinner, so that not much is left for afterwards).

7. Don't take personally his behavior that is withdrawn or short. Often times there is something going on inside his head, but I need to allow him the space to work through it.

8. Allow him choices. When doing a project, often times I get it started and completed without involving him. This challenge helped me identify that he does want to be involved -- so ask what he might do with XXX or any thoughts on project Y.

9. Share with him my disappointments or dreams -- don't hold them inside figuring he will get that information by osmosis.

10. Stop and listen. Put the paper down. Turn toward him if I am cooking. Make eye contact. Keep my mouth shut to finish his sentences.

Scripture:
* Gal 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
May God's Spirit be within me -- showing forth through me in my actions and words as guided by my thoughts on Him.

* Prov. 31 (Selections) An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels... She does him good and not evil all the days of her life...Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future... Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised...
My role as Marshall's wife and my response to being his wife go far beyond just him. At the heart of our relationship all is my love and fear of the Lord.

* Lev. 19:18 ...you shall love your neighbor as yourself...
How do I want to be treated? That is how I should act toward my husband.

* James 1:17 Every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation, or shifting shadow.
Our relationship is under God's hand. If change takes place that is good -- it is through God's mercies, not my nagging or my efforts to be positive and to encourage. Instead, I must remember that all that we have came from Him -- all those things or behaviors that I count as important, are from our Creator, our Maker. Patting myself on the back and then getting frustrated when all does not continue to go as I want is not part of is best for me. Instead, that long slow process of growing and changing is like the potter with the wheel....

* Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. I saw this one on Sarah's site and it spoke to my heart as appropriate for me as well. Sometimes I mutter under my breath -- and these words should not be said if I don't want him to hear it -- don't say it, don't think it, not even "quietly".

Daily prayer:

God of renewal, everywhere your Holy Spirit breathes new life into creation. As I undertake this day to bring glory to you by honoring my husband, I ask you to be present in my marriage. Guide me to know in which things I should ask forgiveness, in which things I should change, and in which things I should ask for the grace to let go. Show me new ways to respect my husband today and open my eyes to all that you have made him to be. I trust in your goodness and in the covenant my husband and I made with you and each other on our wedding day. Through Jesus Christ I pray, Amen.

Husband Encouragement Challenge

I love the Father's Day pics, Sarah! Thanks for sharing the joy that you celebrated yesterday with Eli having a wonderful father!

This weekend I tried several things to encourage my husband.
1. Ask if he wants to play games on nights there is nothing acceptable on TV. He loves any type of game -- really gets into the challenge or competition. For me, the competition adds stress, so I try to avoid. In a compromise, I'll play the game, but someone can keep my score for me if they want -- I'll play for fun, but not for competition. This worked fine -- I found that playing was the important aspect for him, the "winner" was only a small piece of his experience. Also, if in doubt of who is winner since we weren't keeping score, we determined to flip a coin.
2. On Sunday I played the piano for worship since organist took the day off. This time I tried not to make a big deal about the hymns or my being nervous (I will give the music unto the Lord, but shake like a leaf in a thunderstorm). Rather than ask for hymns to be printed or copied for me, I used the accompanist edition and flipped pages to find the hymns as needed. I practiced at times he was not in the church or at home (which can be very tricky because the manse is right next to the church and he goes back and forth frequently during the day). Keying down my involvement seemed to help him stay focused on prepping the service.
3. For Father's Day I fixed Sauerbraten -- a dish that he comments about frequently. He loved it!
4. On Sunday after worship I was -- well, fiesty inside... I didn't feel like being very nice to anyone. Instead of being my usual pain-in-the-neck when I feel that way, I prayed frequently and stepped outside or downstairs as needed to give myself some breather space. It turned out, we had an enjoyable day and took a long walk in the evening topped off an ice cream at Dairy Sweet.

At times it is still hard to be positive, but I love the scriptures for today that remind me joy comes from being close to God. That joy then shows forth (then I think of the song, "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...)

Husband Encouragement Challenge

The challenge to look back and see where we were in our relationship as husband / wife and to look ahead. My husband is a minister, so one would think his spiritual life is perfect. However, in our time of encouragement, I have seen him become more comfortable in sharing his faith with me -- including it in his words as a daily part of his life. His training in seminary seemed to squelch that sharing -- it seemed his view is that a minister does not want to force his faith on others, but allow them to learn for themselves the relationship with Jesus Christ. It is a strength to me as he comments on his prayer topics or items of struggle with flesh / faith. If I know he is strong in his daily walk, it is much easier to accept that God is leading him and leading us a couple, through him.

Yesterday we were to reflect on integrity within our mate. It is difficult to list items or events that show or reflect that character that is righteous, so I take the challenge to comment directly to him (or about him) when his normal response reflects integrity. For example, the church is debating about adding a parking lot. At the congregational meeting on Sunday, my husband, as moderator, had to keep the meeting moving without interjecting his own feelings on the subject. Of course, he did a wonderful job and kept composure / peace in the midst. Not everyone could have known and followed Roberts' Rules, yet keep the atmosphere welcoming. That quality within him is something I just took for granted before this challenge.

One struggle that I have is related to timing. I want things to move faster than they do (sometimes) and to have answers quicker that they come. God is helping me to see that as a faith issue -- trusting in Him with my whole heart, soul, and mind (and love your neighbor as yourself). (Memory verse: Luke 10:27) The new verse for the week fits right with this thinking: Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. (Prov. 3:5,6)

On a different note: Thanks, Sarah, for encouraging us all to make our relationship with hubby better!

Husband Encouragement Challenge

Oopsss... The listening to my husband challenge for yesterday got me. Several times I found myself cutting into the middle of dear hubby talking -- to give a response -- and was stricken with what I had done. So, I have found a spot that does give me a real live challenge... It is hard to "simply listen" without commenting or asking questions in the middle when someone else is speaking.

Recently I had gone to a meeting that described people that get on your nerves as those who actually are doing something that we are guilty of. Yes, there are some people that drive me nuts with their talking -- never seeming to listen, but just talk on and on and on and on.... That workshop clued me that I have an issue with listening, but this exercise with hubby helped me to identify further an issue for me.

To be honest, this husband encouragement challenge has been good for us. I am seeing him as more of a regular person with needs and issues like I have -- rather than being a pot that is baked with no hope of change or being molded or softened. Also, I think we are both more positive -- little things in life are not causing us to draw into our little shells, but including the other person in what is taking place or what we are observing, feeling, or experiencing.

Started at http://inlightofthetruth.blogspot.com/

Husband Encouragement Challenge Day 6

Creative things is easy to come up with for my husband. Although he loves stability and is a great Presbyterian because "we've always done it that way" he is very creative in the kitchen and with additions to the house to bring pleasure or solve a problem.

For example, when the kids were small, we wanted a place for them to play outside, but still be in a sheltered or confined space. So... He created and built a tree house. The door hinged to allow them playing outside in hot or cold temps. They could put the door up in summer to allow air to freely circulate -- or keep it down in the fall / winter when we need protection from the wind.

In the kitchen he will often follow recipe, but sometimes he changes it just a bit to adapt to preferred flavors or avoid allergy items. He takes a complicated recipe as a challenge -- not to be avoided, but to enjoy the making and eating.

For his job, creativity prompted his video taping the services -- including not only the text to our readings, but also the melody line. Some who watch the tape have commented on all the he includes -- thereby enabling them to enjoy and participate in the worship service when broadcast on TV (local channel).
_______

Today I go home after visiting my daughter, her husband, and my wonderful grandchild. All that we have seen for encouraging our husband has been much on my mind, but have been putting it into place through e-mails and thoughts. This challenge encourages me to be more expressive -- typically I hold back thinking that the timing is wrong or that he needs his space. On Sunday I thought of Eve in the garden -- listening to the serpent's twisting of what she had been told. How often have I been listening to the wrong voice in making decisions within our relationship? Do I freely give through God's leading or do I make excuses for what is uncomfortable for me?

One of the memory verses on InLightofTheTruth is Psalm 86:11 -- Teach me Your way, O Lord, and I will walk in Your truth. Give me an undivided heart that I may fear Your name. I praise you, O Lord, my God, with all my heart. I will glorify Your name forever -- reminds me that a relationship is a continuing process. He can teach us daily to build a husband / wife relationship.

Husband Encouragement Challenge

The concept of joining with others in a challenge that can change relations (in a positive way) is exciting! Right now I am visiting my daughter, her husband, and Eli (my grandchild), so my "work" with this husband challenge is long-distance for a few days. Still I find it meaningful to participate in encouragement of him and to him -- just not face-to-face quite yet. My husband is wonderful in many ways! He helps with chores, bakes bread (which I LOVE fresh out of the oven), and cooks on his day off or when we use the grill.

The challenge for me comes with the negative thoughts when things don't go quite my way. Why can't it be done MY way? God has been showing me that these thoughts are selfish -- I am looking at myself way too much.

More later, but for now these are my thoughts in thankfulness for a challenge that will help my relationship with one that is very important to me.